is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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