Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
