now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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