My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
