it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
