Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
