my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
