WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
