He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We left an ass print on the piano.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
