i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
