I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
