I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
