I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
