I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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