I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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