I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
