I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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