are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
