We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
