I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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