forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
