I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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