He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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