I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
