Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
