There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
