I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
