I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
