am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
