Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
