He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize