I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
