Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
