We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
