You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Sober January is a disaster.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
