I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
