he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
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