Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
