So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I woke up under a house in Key West
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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