I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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