look no pants
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
