Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
