Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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