One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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