Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
