I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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