So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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