Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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