This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
