Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
