Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just want nice things and good sex
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
