Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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