I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
