I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
