Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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