drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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