If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Couch. On fire.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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