Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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