and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
