im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
it's like iHOP with fire
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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