went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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