i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
