8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I need to sanitize my soul.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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