how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
