Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
