She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
