It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
