How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
